Here’s something that has heavily been on my mind lately. As a network marketer, we are constantly in training mode (at least that’s how I see it.) You have to help people get started, train them in the products, in the business strategy, how to get leads, how to close them, etc., etc.
I know I work very hard to keep everyone informed and provide support to them. With a 90% failure rate, you have to constantly keep recruiting, training, encouraging and working. It’s a lot of work. I must answer 50 emails a day solving problems, answering questions, encouraging everyone with what needs to be done to be a success.
But what I fast discovered was that more than half the people who enroll don’t do anything. They spend their money to invest and then do nothing. The reasons are many and not the topic of this blog post.
What is the topic of this blog post is ‘what do we, as leaders who are semi, or fully successful in our company, do about it?
What if your dream is not their dream? I recently discovered my dream of success for my daughter was not her dream.
My dream or my why, if you will, is to be financially free, leave a legacy for my children, and get time and money freedom. A typical ‘Why’ – yes, but basically this is a part of everyone’s ‘why’.’
So what happens when you can’t motivate the people who are joining you, hard as you try? What if you dream is not their dream? They say it’s their dream. They can articulate what they want, but they lack the drive or motivation or that inner ‘umph’ it takes to make them be the go-getter. My dream of success may be different.
I had to learn to take a step back and let those people be themselves or whoever they would turn out to be. Do you know why? Because nothing can make your dream into their dream if they don’t have the desire for it. A new network marketer may sign up in the excitement of the moment, but in reality, his dream may not your dream.
I learned this lesson the hard way.
My youngest daughter will be 21 this year (in a couple of weeks) as a matter of fact. At 9 yrs of age she started playing the violin and played beautifully. She was always playing and the house was filled with music. She would practices day and night and we’d wake up and go to sleep to the sweet sound of her violin.
She excelled and won competitions. She played at Six Flags competition and the orchestra won First Place Superior. She’s play at Disney in Florida. She started a group called Kids for Alzheimers and Elders (KARE) and we went to nursing homes and played for the elderly, usually 6 weeks prior to Christmas and then again in early spring. She played at my dad’s wedding and so many other occasions.
She got accepted into Montclair State College in the music program that only accepts 20% of applicants. Over 2200 applied and she was accepted! We were thrilled and I loved to hear her play. I had dreams of her playing all over the world as a virtuoso!
And then something happened! Two years into college in the Performance program, she quit – not just college, but music! 🙁 I was away on business and found out when I came home and there she was at home and I got the bad news. I never had anything devastate me so much. To the point, even now almost 2 years later when I hear a violin it brings sad tears to my eyes.
After much crying and pleading for her to continue, I finally realized that ‘it was no longer her dream.’ And I had to take a deep, deeeeeep breathe and adjust my feelings.
You see, my feelings were invested deeply in my daughter’s success and now it was no longer her dream and it broke my heart. So what do you do when someone else’s dream does not match or equal your own.
I had to let my daughter do her thing. She was 20 years old and had other ideas about what she wanted to do. My hurt and disappointment were my own and I couldn’t use that to influence her. I had to apply that same thinking to my network marketing company and my business.
When people join your network marketing company you can’t be invested in their dream because it may never be the same as yours. If you’re a go-getter, master recruiter, ultimate sales fanatic and in the top 10%, then you’re going to fly high and be successful in any company. You’re going to be one of those success stories that we always hear about.
But most people are not like that and if you are emotionally involved in this person’s success who is not working the same as you do, then their success is a dream you have for them, and chances are you will be disappointed.
So what to do when your dream is not their dream?
- Take a step back and breathe. That’s what I had to do with my daughter. After I stopped crying (yes heavily and for a while), I realized it was her life. It wasn’t her dream any longer. I had to adjust my emotions and my feelings after realizing “her life is her life” and there’s nothing I can do about her choices for her life.
- Don’t be disappointed that someone else’s dreams does not match your own. Forgive and move on. They’ve got to live their own life. So be it. You can continue to look for someone who has a similar dream to your own.
- Figure out who has a similar dream and who is working diligently to get to their dream. Provide them with support and whatever else they need if they are moving toward their goals. If they want it for themselves you can help them.
- Evaluate potential people by looking at their time and their commitment. I hate to say it this way, but life is too short to waste worrying about someone who doesn’t want it for themselves.
- If you’re a leader, look for natural leaders in your life. Some people have a following;, they are immediately likeable and always the center of attention. Find out what drives them and determine if they are likely to have a similar dream.
What do you do when your dream is not their dream? Nothing. After it becomes clear that this is a fact, there is nothing you can do but change direction. They have to figure out their own life and dreams. We can’t make them do anything they don’t want to do. That is true in network marketing.
Sooooo what happened to my daughter?
- She enrolled in school about 4 months ago. She is working toward being a neuro-diagnostic technician in the medical field!
- She’s in an accelerated program where she will graduate with an Associates in this new and upcoming medical field. The people in the program are getting jobs before they complete it because of the high demand for this field. At 21-22 yrs of age when she graduates next November, she’ll come out starting at about $42,000 a year. (Hey – may not be much, but for someone who’s 22 living at home with mom – that’s damn good!)
- She’s got a 4.0 grade point average! WooHoo!
With my daughter I had to make a an adjustment in my thinking. I had to drop the disappointment and see that her dream was not my dream for her.
The interesting thing I learned though was my daughter’s dream was of success, just like mine. But the venue to get to that success was not what I expected or wanted. She chose another path to get there that led to the same door and I’m proud of her. Her dream became very evident, very quickly when I took a step back and ‘saw’ her.
I looked at number 1 above and realized she made a good choice. I let go of the disappointment and supported her when she needed support. I evaluated her time and commitment and saw how dedicated she was and gave her everything she needed. If she had done nothing, it would have been a different story. She has proven herself to be a leader, helping others in her class and providing support to them.
Anyone can apply these same principles to network marketing to help you get past the issue of ‘What if their dream is not their dream?’