What If It’s Not Your Dream – My Dream is Success

ID-10021635 Here’s something that has heavily been on my mind lately.  As a network marketer, we are constantly in training mode (at least that’s how I see it.)  You have to help people get started, train them in the products, in the business strategy, how to get leads, how to close them, etc., etc.

I know I work very hard to keep everyone informed and provide support to them.  With a 90% failure rate, you have to constantly keep recruiting, training, encouraging and working.  It’s a lot of work.  I must answer 50 emails a day solving problems, answering questions, encouraging everyone with what needs to be done to be a success.

But what I fast discovered was that more than half the people who enroll don’t do anything.  They spend their money to invest and then do nothing.  The reasons are many and not the topic of this blog post.

What is the topic of this blog post is ‘what do we, as leaders who are semi, or fully successful in our company, do about it?

What if your dream is not their dream?  I recently discovered my dream of success for my daughter was not her dream.

My dream or my why, if you will, is to be financially free, leave a legacy for my children, and get time and money freedom.  A typical ‘Why’ – yes, but basically this is a part of everyone’s ‘why’.’

So what happens when you can’t motivate the people who are joining you, hard as  you try?  What if you dream is not their dream?  They say it’s their dream. They can articulate what they want, but they lack the drive or motivation or that inner ‘umph’ it takes to make them be the go-getter.  My dream of success may be different.

I had to learn to take a step back and let those people be themselves or whoever they would turn out to be.  Do you know why?  Because nothing can make your dream into their dream if they don’t have the desire for it.  A new network marketer may sign up in the excitement of the moment, but in reality, his dream may not your dream.

I learned this lesson the hard way.

aislynnviolin-2 My youngest daughter will be 21 this year (in a couple of weeks) as a matter of fact.  At 9 yrs of age she started playing the violin and played beautifully.  She was always playing and the house was filled with music. She would practices day and night and we’d wake up and go to sleep to the sweet sound of her violin.

She excelled and won competitions.  She played at Six Flags competition and the orchestra won First Place Superior. She’s play at Disney in Florida. She started a group called Kids for Alzheimers and Elders (KARE) and we went to nursing homes and played for the elderly, usually 6 weeks prior to Christmas and then again in early spring.  She played at my dad’s wedding and so many other occasions.

aislynnplayingviolin1.jpgShe got accepted into Montclair State College in the music program that only accepts 20% of applicants.  Over 2200 applied and she was accepted!  We were thrilled and I loved to hear her play.  I had dreams of her playing all over the world as a virtuoso!

And then something happened!  Two  years into college in the Performance program, she quit – not just college, but music! 🙁  I was away on business and found out when I came home and there she was at home and I got the bad news.  I never had anything devastate me so much.  To the point, even now almost 2 years later when I hear a violin it brings sad tears to my eyes.

After much crying and pleading for her to continue, I finally realized that ‘it was no longer her dream.’   And I had to take a deep, deeeeeep breathe and adjust my feelings.

You see, my feelings were invested deeply in my daughter’s success and now it was no longer her dream and it broke my heart.  So what do you do when someone else’s dream does not match or equal your own.

I had to let my daughter do her thing. She was 20 years old and had other ideas about what she wanted to do.  My hurt and disappointment were my own and I couldn’t use that to influence her.  I had to apply that same thinking to my network marketing company and my business.

When people join your network marketing company you can’t be invested in their dream because it may never be the same as yours.  If you’re a go-getter, master recruiter, ultimate sales fanatic and in the top 10%, then you’re going to fly high and be successful in any company.  You’re going to be one of those success stories that we always hear about.

But most people are not like that and if you are emotionally involved in this person’s success who is not working the same as you do, then their success is a dream you have for them, and chances are you will be disappointed.

So what to do when your dream is not their dream?

  1. Take a step back and breathe.  That’s what I had to do with my daughter.  After I stopped crying (yes heavily and for a while), I realized it was her life.  It wasn’t  her dream any longer. I had to adjust my emotions and my feelings after realizing “her life is her life” and there’s nothing I can do about her choices for her life.
  2. Don’t be disappointed that someone else’s dreams does not match your own.  Forgive and move on.  They’ve got to live their own life.  So be it.  You can continue to look for someone who has a similar dream to your own.
  3. Figure out who has a similar dream and who is working diligently to get to their dream.  Provide them with support and whatever else they need if they are moving toward their goals.  If they want it for themselves you can help them.
  4. Evaluate potential people by looking at their time and their commitment.  I hate to say it this way, but life is too short to waste worrying about someone who doesn’t want it for themselves.
  5. If you’re a leader, look for natural leaders in your life.  Some people have a following;, they are immediately likeable and always the center of attention. Find out what drives them and determine if they are likely to have a similar dream.

What do you do when your dream is not their dream?  Nothing.  After it becomes clear that this is a fact, there is nothing you can do but change direction.  They have to figure out their own life and dreams.  We can’t make them do anything they don’t want to do.  That is true in network marketing.

Sooooo what happened to my daughter?

  • She enrolled in school about 4 months ago.  She is working toward being a neuro-diagnostic technician in the medical field!
  • She’s in an accelerated program where she will graduate with an Associates in this new and upcoming medical field.  The people in the program are getting jobs before they complete it because of the high demand for this field.  At 21-22 yrs of age when she graduates next November, she’ll come out starting at about $42,000 a year.  (Hey – may not be much, but for someone who’s 22 living at home with mom – that’s damn good!)
  • She’s got a 4.0 grade point average! WooHoo!

ID-100173912 Once she completes the program she can move on to other areas in the field – in other words, there’s growth for her.  Fabulous!  I’m so proud!

With my daughter I had to make a an adjustment in my thinking.  I had to drop the disappointment and see that her dream was not my dream for her.

The interesting thing I learned though was my daughter’s dream was of success, just like mine. But the venue to get to that success was not what I expected or wanted.  She chose another path to get there that led to the same door and I’m proud of her.  Her dream became very evident, very quickly when I took a step back and ‘saw’ her.

I looked at number 1 above and realized she made a good choice.  I let go of the disappointment and supported her when she needed support.  I evaluated her time and commitment and saw how dedicated she was and gave her everything she needed.  If she had done nothing, it would have been a different story.  She has proven herself to be a leader, helping others in her class and providing support to them.

Anyone can apply these same principles to network marketing to help you get past the issue of ‘What if their dream is not their dream?’

My dream is success.  What do you think about this?  A different sort of topic, I know, but I’d be interested in your thoughts.


  1. says

    Awesome post Barbara. I can see myself in some of this post and I see many parents hurt behind what their dream was for their children. Some push too much and some just don’t get it, but you handled it perfectly and your daughter loves your more for your support. Can’t ask for more than that.

    What I agree the most is when I joined programs in the past only to let it go soon after. I got sucked into the “dream” and my heart was in the right place, but it wasn’t my dream. Allot of people do this all the time and eventually you hope you fall into what works for you. Some get it quickly and others never find it. Tell it girl because you kept it real.
    Sonia recently posted…How to Stay Committed to Your Blog Through AdversityMy Profile

    • says

      Hi Sonia,

      I was afraid that people wouldn’t get the post. Thank you for getting it. 🙂 Appreciate it.

      The thing is I never was one to get sucked into another’s dream. But so many people do. And you’re right, we eventually fall into whatever works for us. Right now it’s working. I think that’s the other thing. For me, with my company, it worked really well two years ago…fell my the wayside for 2 years, then kicked off with a bang again! But in that long process I still kept my dream. It didn’t believe to anyone else.

      I think that’s what people have to do is stay focused on their own dream and that’s what will make it work. We can’t wait for others to ‘get it.’

      Slow and steady wins the race, right?! If their dream isn’t my dream, I give them as much as they need until they don’t need it anymore and that is 90% of the people all of the time. So I look forward to working with the other 10% and helping them on to success. Therefore I encourage those who have the same dream as me! Mass dreaming! Love it!

      Thanks for you input lady. Thanks for feeling I’m keeping it real! I try! 😉

  2. says

    As for our children: I have this saying by Khalil Gibran:
    And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.” And he said:
    Your children are not your children.
    They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
    They come through you but not from you,
    And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
    You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
    For they have their own thoughts.
    You may house their bodies but not their souls,
    For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
    You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
    For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
    You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
    The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
    Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
    For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

    If we can grasp this on the most important love of our lives, then it is a good lesson when leading Network Marketers. Our dream may not be theirs and there is not a darn thing we can do about it. To me it seems like a numbers game….You know only a small percentage will work as hard as you and share the same dream. So if there is 100 people in your flock and 10 share your dream….work that 10!

    Also if you want to “attract” compatible people create a form so you can get some kind of edge of how hard and how much time and money they are willing to spend.

    Just say’n!
    Donna Merrill recently posted…Are You Running A Business Or Running A Blog Site?My Profile

  3. says

    Wow Barbara,

    I can so understand what you mean by wanting something for your children only to learn they don’t want that after all. My nephew was like that too. So darn talented and was into acting. I know it’s a hard road but the kid is such a natural for it and he loved it. Unfortunately, with the people you have to deal with along the way (meaning teachers in this instance) he felt it wasn’t worth it to him and dropped that altogether. I think in the end we just want them to be happy so it really doesn’t matter what he does. I just thought he loved it so much just like your daughter loved the violin.

    This really is an excellent point though. What our dreams are might be other people’s as well but unfortunately in life some people just don’t want it bad enough to do what it takes. So although they may want the success they aren’t willing to do what it takes. That’s really what I’ve found since being online.

    You definitely don’t want to work with people who aren’t willing to do what it takes. What a time waster for you and just think of all the other people you could have helped instead.

    Thanks for sharing this message and I’m so glad your daughter is happy and eager to have that success as well. Bravo!

    Adrienne recently posted…Blog Maintenance: The Essential GuideMy Profile

    • says

      Hi Adrienne,

      Yes I’ve learned the hard way that when people don’t want to put in the time or effort we can’t really change them. It is a waste of time to try to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. That is the crux of the matter for sure.

      It’s funny how our kids teach us these amazing lessons and that I can apply to my life and what I need to know for my business. Pretty amazing I think.

      Thanks and I hope all is well with you.


  4. says

    Hey Barbara,

    What a great article! I know this is not your typical article but it something that does need to be addressed.

    Just like anything in life, people have to learn on their own and need to make their own decision.

    Again, I’m not a parent but I know what it’s like being the child being told by my parents on what I should do.

    Sometimes, parents in general do not realize they are pushing their children too far and I don’t blame them at all. Their intentions most of the time are in the right place, but doesn’t always come out that way.

    It’s not their fault, they just don’t know or understand. This is often misunderstood because most parents who do not possess an entrepreneurship spirit and most of the time will not understand that children need to discover things on their own. They can share stories and tell hem what to do all they want, but at the and of the day, it’s all about experiences for the children.

    Great article Barbara!
    Nate Leung recently posted…5 Reasons Why You Need Balance In Your LifeMy Profile

    • says

      Thanks Nate. That means a lot to me that you understand. I try to write about motivational and inspirational stuff as well. We need that as entrepreneurs. And it is so important for people to understand that we can’t help others unless they want to be helped.

      For children, it is hard. If my daughter had been younger, then as a parent, I have the right to make decisions for her to keep her best interest at heart. We do have to make those decisions some times. 🙂 But you’re right in that we need to listen to what their wants and desires are as they get older and still guide them if and when we can. My daughter however, was an adult making adult decisions so all I can do is offer advice and support her decisions as long as the decision is not detrimental to her health and welfare.

      Entrepreneurs definitely need a different mindset to know when to move on and let others be. I had to mentally move on and let my daughter do her thing for bad or for worse. That’s how it is in network marketing as well. If a person will not work, then so be it. It’s their dream, or maybe not! 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. You’ve always got insightful wisdom to share.
      Barbara Charles recently posted…What If It’s Not Your Dream – My Dream is SuccessMy Profile

  5. says

    Hi Barbara

    I think this is the best post you have ever written – from my point of view anyway.

    The stats in network marketing are the stats. We can have great systems and all the best training in the world. We can help someone uncover their why but there will be still a huge percentage of people who will not follow through.

    It is not only in network marketing but in other areas of business.

    Now what I love is how you tied it in with your story of your daughter. As a parent I totally relate. As a child of parents I totally relate.

    I did not follow the plan my parents had for me. Well I did for a bit but I abandoned it.

    I have 3 step kids and one daughter of my own, All of our children have gone down different paths than we thought was their “gift”.

    My husband though was very good at letting go. He went into his family’s business when he was 15 and never got to even finish high school. Sure he made a lot of money at one time and took over but it was never what he wanted. So for Ivan (my hubby) he never wanted to be in his kids face about what they should do.

    I love the Khalil Gibran: poem Donna posted in here. It says it all really.

    A great post Barbara and I love it.

    Sue Price recently posted…Moving Forward: Accepting ChangeMy Profile

    • says

      Hi Sue,

      I know how most people can relate LOL! All of my children started out wanting to do one thing and ended up doing something different. My first started out doing hair and is now a surgical technician, my son also is a surgical tech (we thought he’d be playing basketball), and of course, the youngest was the violinist. None of them did I think would end up where they are. That is the beauty of the lesson and as you’ve re-iterated above.

      It’s the letting go that’s hard. And it is just as hard in network marketing and in other businesses when you want someone to succeed as much as you have succeeded, but if they don’t want it for themselves, oh well…what can we do. But I know before it was emotionally hard for me to let go. Now, not so much.

      I think a large part of that is that I’m getting older and although I have no plans to ‘kick the bucket’ soon, I don’t want to dwell on other’s people’s stuff. So if there dream is not my dream, I will move on. I hope that it helps someone else who may be feeling like they’re taking on all the trouble of their network marketing world! 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and see you tonight we hope. Hope you’re feeling better.
      Barbara Charles recently posted…What If It’s Not Your Dream – My Dream is SuccessMy Profile

  6. says

    Hi Barbara,

    Sorry for being a bit late here, but yesterday was my birthday, so I took a bit of time off for me 🙂

    This is a very good subject and how smart on your part to understand that your children’s dreams might not be yours. So many parents just don’t get that.

    Indeed, this really applies well with network marketing. We may have a strong drive because we have a strong WHY, but those that we recruit my not, or not yet.

    That’s why when people that I know off line ask me what they need to do to have a blog like mine, I tell them, that it will take a LOT out of them to have a blog like that, and that if they are not totally 110% motivated they won’t be able to do it.

    I tell them that because I know that if they are not as motivated as I am, they wont’ be able to do it, and I totally understand that they may not be as motivated as I am.

    At the end of the day we can only really speak for ourselves.

    Great post 🙂
    Sylviane Nuccio recently posted…How To Dispose Of Those Old Useless BeliefsMy Profile

    • says

      First let me say Happy belated Birthday! Hope you had a great and blessed day! 🙂

      Second, you are very right. No matter how you do it, it takes (more than 110%) if you ask me! 🙂

      And maybe that’s the problem. Many people don’t believe how much work it is so they try and then quit, even when they’ve been warned like you do. Maybe we would change the whole face of network marketing is we told everyone up front how hard it is instead of how easy it is. Uhmmm, sounds like another post! 🙂

      Thanks and I’ll see you tonight! Be well until then.
      Barbara Charles recently posted…What If It’s Not Your Dream – My Dream is SuccessMy Profile

  7. says

    Hello Barbara
    Wow I miss you and we never get to talk….
    This is such a powerful article and much needed.
    Sometimes we want to dream our dreams through our children, but we soon find out, they have their own.
    I too am proud of your daughter for coming into her own. Remember she has learned valuable lessons while playing the violin, which will help her out in life.
    In business, especially in Life Coaching, I can see the potential in my clients and something within me wants to dream for them, but I stop myself and say” wait a minute, how much do they love their own dream”? Then I move on with something else or someone else.
    Barbara, you imparted to your daughter the wisdom to dream…. Now let her dream. I love you and Ms. Donna’s poem touched me.
    Thank you for being an open letter to all of us. I am so proud of you to allow the eaglet to fly on its own.

    Gladys recently posted….A New Canvas For A New Beginning
    Gladys recently posted…A New Canvas For A New BeginningMy Profile

    • says

      Hi Gladys,

      Yes I miss you too. I called you this past week-end just to say hello, but our lives are very busy so its definitely hard to touch base. Yes providing what our children or our business partners need is essential, but I had to learn the lesson of letting go if they are not ready, willing and able to work for themselves.

      Although I was able to step back with one child, I still have trouble sometimes with one of the others! 🙂
      A dream is a dream is a dream and when it belongs to someone else, what can we do. There is no shared dreaming in the world of possibility (at least not yet)! 🙂

      I’m sure in your Life Coaching you come across this very often and as a life coach you have to be able to step back and see it in others.

      Thanks for coming by and supporting me again. Do miss you? We can try for a week-end to chat.
      Talk to you later,
      Barbara Charles recently posted…What If It’s Not Your Dream – My Dream is SuccessMy Profile

  8. says

    I’m sure this is tough as she is your daughter. But, I am so glad that she has found a different path that not only she enjoys, but also excels at.

    We always want the best for someone else. But, we confuse The Best with what we want and not what’s actually in that person’s heart.

    I dealt with this a lot as a teacher. You have certain expectations for your students, but then they take a different turn for some reason or another. You always hope for the best, but ultimately they create their own path and dreams.

    Thank you so much for this post. It’s not something I often think about. It was a nice surprise!
    Jennifer Kennedy recently posted…Teaching Good Stuff – An Interview with Maya GaddieMy Profile

    • says

      Hi Jennifer,

      Thanks for stopping by. Yes this is something that people need to learn. We have to let the person do what they need and what they want. As children though, they don’t always know what they want and may change like the wind.

      In reality, at some point, we have to settle into ‘something.’ I’m glad my daughter found her way, and she may change yet again as she is still young, but the dream of success is the focus. We have to teach our children to focus on success as defined in their head. You’re right, people do have to create their own path and dreams. Hopefully, all are pointed to success.

      Thanks again,

  9. says

    Not putting an effort into thinggs you sign up is so universal. That is how theses gyms make so much money. People have high exceptions and when it doesn’t work out they forget about. It is also so important not to live someone’s dream. My father thought I had the personality to sell real estate. I did what he suggested for 25 years and I was successful, but it was not what I wanted. I had always dreamed of owning my own business. So when I was 50 years old I started a promotional products business on the internet. Still going strong and I love it.

    • says

      Hi Arleen,
      I hear you. So many people try to do someone else’s dream. I used to find myself encouraging others to do what I did because they could make money in it, but they had no interest. Later I changed my philosophy and started listening to them to see what they wanted and that was a major change in that I realized how much I could help people. It has to be their dream, only then will they be truly successful.

      Thanks for stopping by,

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